3 Ways to Improve Your Intimacy

Intimacy is far more than penetrative sex. It’s emotional, mental, and relational long before it’s physical. If you want more, and more meaningful intimacy with your wife, start here.

1. Receive What’s Being Offered
Intimacy doesn’t always arrive in the form you’re hoping for. Sometimes it’s a kiss, a cuddle, a quiet moment on the couch. Try not to miss it when she gives it, sometimes it's quick.  When you receive what’s offered with gratitude instead of brushing it off or with disappointment, you build safety and trust. And safety is what leads to more, not less.

2. Remove the Brakes
Many barriers to intimacy are within your control: stress, distraction, unresolved tension, or simply not being present. When you intentionally clear those obstacles, you make connections easier. In Come As You Are (highly recommended reading), this is described as helping her take her foot off the brakes. Less pressure. Fewer obstacles. More room for closeness. This could be simple, like cleaning the house, folding the laundry, taking the kids to the park or planning a date. The more you build supportive practices like this and are able to receive whats being offered the more frequent it will become. 

3. Communicate With Care
It’s not just what you want, it’s how you express it. Share your desires in a way that’s respectful, thoughtful, and attuned to her experience. When your communication feels safe to receive, intimacy has room to deepen. Depending on the type of language you guys use and have around sex and intamacy this might be a journey. If you frame it honestly in the way of a desire to be close rather than a need for sex and her body, it often opens up some good dialogue and communication around what can be done to help the relationship find more closeness.  

Actionable Takeaway

Today, don’t focus on the outcome. Focus on removing one barrier. Put your phone away. Help with something that’s weighing on her.

Or simply ask, “What would help you feel more connected to me right now?”

Small acts of care often open doors that force and neediness never could.